My journey from burnt out people pleaser to joyfully resilient!
I’m going to start by saying I LOVE my life. But I didn’t always. On my journey from my lowest point to where I am now, I tried A LOT of different things. Some things worked, some didn’t. And some I had to adapt and adjust to fit into my busy life.
It’s also important to add that I’m stubborn and tenacious. Both of these characteristics can have a light and a dark side. But learning how to channel them has served me well. When something I try doesn’t work, I look for ways to change or adapt it. If that doesn’t work, I try to find an alternate tool or technique. When something doesn’t make sense, I dig into the science and the research and try to understand the why behind it.
And I knew other people had built lives they loved. I knew it was possible, and I stubbornly refused to give up on making it happen for me too!
If you’re searching for your own path from burnt out to joyfully resilient, here are the things I’ve tried that worked! Note that I didn’t try all of these at once – I’ve been on this journey for over a decade, and I continue to learn, grow, and add new tools, techniques, and knowledge to my toolbox.
Yoga
You might know one of the first steps I took in my personal development journey was to get back on my yoga mat. At first it just felt good to move my body. And then as I continued the practice, trapped emotions and traumas began to release from my body. There were several months where I wept through almost every savasana.
But not only was I releasing things that no longer served me but had been stuck and stagnant in my body, I was also learning how to take yogic practices off the mat and into the rest of my life.
I began to incorporate pranayama (breathwork) into my everyday life. And I slowly developed a mindfulness and meditation practice.
As I learned more about yogic philosophy I found ways to use the lessons from the yamas and niyamas to identify false beliefs keeping me trapped in fear instead of allowing me to grow and flourish.
I’ve learned lessons from each of the eight limbs of yoga, and each time I step on my mat (almost daily), I discover something new about myself. Maybe it’s a thought I didn’t realize was looping in my subconscious, maybe it’s a new awareness in my body, or maybe it’s something new to be grateful for.
Take your own action
Any movement practice can be powerful in releasing emotions and traumas trapped in the body. Bonus points if that movement practice incorporates mindfulness.
In addition to yoga, consider Tai Chi, Qigong, Aikido, Judo, Tae Kwon Do, Jujitsu, Capoeira, traditional Rhythmic Drumming or simply taking a mindfulness walk.
Note that many of these practices have been “westernized” often leading to the mindfulness features of the practice being removed. Make sure regardless of what you select the instructor includes time and prompts for mindfulness during session.
Reading
I’ve always been a voracious reader, and I love non-fiction. So when I started my personal development journey, it seemed natural to incorporate books into it. I started with recommendations from friends who were already on this path. Using a trick I learned in law school, I pulled my next reading material from citations in books I’d enjoyed.
I’ve also found wonderful reading lists and recommendations from others on Pinterest and Instagram.
If I discovered something in a book that really resonated with me I’d give it a try. If it didn’t work, I’d think about ways to adapt it. And if it still didn’t work, I’d release it and move onto the next thing!
I’m grateful as a kid my mom taught me the importance of tapping into and connecting with my intuition. While I’d learned to ignore my intuition over the years, as I started on my journey to build a life I loved, I began to listen to it again. When I got a “chill running up the spine tingle” while reading something, I knew it was a topic or technique to pay attention to.
I still read books for personal development (I average about 20 pages per day). Reading is the perfect way to learn something new and absorb it at your own pace. I take notes both in the books as well as in a separate notebook for just that purpose, and it allows me to easily revisit a passage or sentence I want to read again.
Take your own action
Leave a comment below or send me an email and let me know what you’re struggling with the most, or where you want to start making a change. I’ll send you a recommendation for a book to get you started!
If you have any friends or family who’ve been on their own personal development journey, consider asking them for recommendations they think you’d benefit from.
Then give yourself time to read, absorb, and try out what you’re learning. These books are rarely like popcorn novels you read in one sitting. The goal isn’t to read as much as possible as quickly as possible, rather, it’s to use what you read for the biggest benefit in your life.
Energy Work & Body Work
I’m grateful to have worked with many energy healers and body workers over the years. The techniques I’ve gravitated toward have been Reiki, Polarity, Cranial-Sacral, Emotion Code, sound healing, and a variety of massage techniques. I’ve also recently begun working with a Shamanic Healing practitioner.
Reiki was the first form of energy work I discovered, and I’ve taken the Level One training and attunement so I can regularly practice self-Reiki. (Keep reading to learn more about that.)
There are a ton of different ways to practice energy work on yourself, but I wouldn’t be where I am without the benefit of having others work on me. Here’s why:
- I was already burnt out, I didn’t have the reserves to be aware of my own energy much less move and clear it.
- The energy and body workers I was drawn to offered not only the service they provided but also insight based on what they were observing in my body and tools and techniques they’d found to be useful in their own lives or for other clients.
- We’re social creatures (even if you’re introverted like me!), interacting and engaging with another person in this way can be both healing and uplifting.
Just like with reading, not every practitioner I visited was the right fit for me. But just because the person wasn’t right, didn’t mean the technique wasn’t right for me. So I experimented, visiting a variety of practitioners to find people I resonated with.
Take your own action
Try out different body and energy work techniques. In addition to the techniques I’ve already mentioned, a few more to consider include reflexology, aromatherapy, and acupuncture/acupressure.
Groupon is a great place to discover practitioners and services in your area. Also ask friends and family for recommendations. Important note, all of this work has the potential to make you feel exposed and/or vulnerable, so I encourage you to check reviews, the practitioner’s website, and make sure you feel comfortable with anyone before you go see them.
Self Energy Work
This is an area I’ve been diving into much more over the last year or so. In addition to regularly practicing self-Reiki (often I use it as I’m preparing for sleep as the last step in my wind-down process), I use several other tools.
I’m a BIG fan of EFT/Tapping. I include this technique in my morning and evening routines every day. Lately I’ve also been learning how to incorporate tools and techniques from Donna Eden (the Eden Method) into my daily life to help me maintain balance as well as clear and release negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions as they arise.
Pranayama (breathwork practices) also fall under this category as well as under Yoga above. Prana means life force energy – pranayama is the practice of intentionally directing that life force energy.
Other yogic practices that double as self-energy work include meditations which incorporate visualizations of energy healing and/or redirecting your energy, and mudras (or hand positions) which I use during meditation and pranayama.
This is one of the areas where I’ve learned I need to have the most patience. When I started with Tapping, I’d notice very minor shifts with each practice, after a few months, I started to see a difference in the way I approached things that would otherwise have been very challenging for me. Now, after hundreds of sessions, I see major shifts after just 10-15 minutes of tapping.
Take your own action
Check out the techniques mentioned above and/or search YouTube for “energy work” or “energy healing”.
Try out a technique that resonates with you, and give it time to make a difference – I’d suggest giving it a shot for at least a few weeks before giving up on it.
Important note: if you have a negative response to a technique, don’t push yourself to keep going with it. While it might be something you really need to learn from, it could also be triggering something you’re not yet ready to process or release.
In yoga we often say the pose you have the most trouble with is the one you most need. However, unless you’re able to hold safe space for yourself, or have someone else who can hold safe space for you, please don’t push yourself to engage in an activity or technique that feels triggering or traumatic.
Classes, workshops, conferences
There are so many incredible teachers out there who are eager to share what they’ve learned. For the last decade I’ve loved participating in online and in-person classes, workshops and conferences.
I’ve taken advantage of both free and paid learning opportunities over the years. These events are generally designed to offer the most value to all the attendees. That means you usually don’t get specific tailored attention. So as with everything else, I’ve taken what resonated, experimented to make it work for me, and then let whatever didn’t work for me go.
The benefit to many of these events is the opportunity to be exposed to something you wouldn’t have otherwise been aware of. I’ve met new teachers, learned new techniques, and been introduced to new concepts through classes, workshops, and conferences.
And I’ve pursued everything that intrigues me – ordering books on the subject, doing additional research online, subscribing to someone’s email list, or taking additional classes or courses with inspiring teachers.
Take your own action
Seek out opportunities in your local community – great places to start include your local yoga studio, library, and community college.
If you read a book by someone you felt inspired by, check out their social media feed and see if they’re participating in any upcoming conferences or speaking events. And while you’re on social media, keep an eye out for conferences and classes that pop up either as sponsored posts or as something recommended by someone you follow. Learn more about anything that intrigues or resonates with you.
Another great resource is companies that offer learning opportunities as well as products – Hay House is one of my favorites.
Individual & Group Coaching
Just like with energy and body work, there are certain things that you sometimes need an outside perspective to see. I’ve seen major shifts and changes – especially when I’ve worked one-on-one with a coach or teacher.
Coaches have helped me discover or uncover stories and beliefs I was unwilling or unable to see by myself. Once that awareness happens, I’m able to create a plan to unlearn the old pattern and relearn a new one, either by myself or with the help of the coach.
Coaches hold up a mirror to reflect back what you might not see in your thoughts, actions, and patterns of behavior. They help not only bring awareness but also give you tools to reach your goals and dreams.
And the benefit of individual or small group coaching is you’re getting advice that’s tailored to you and your circumstances. It takes a lot of the guesswork and time spent experimenting out of the process. You’re working with someone who’s able to draw on their knowledge, experience, and expertise to offer you exactly what you need.
In addition to coaching, you can also get incredible benefit from one-on-one classes (I received my Reiki training in a private lesson) and individual yoga lessons (or another mindfulness movement technique of your choice).
Take your own action
My view of coaching is not about encouraging you to change your life. Instead, I work with clients to change the way they interact with their lives. This means things that once felt overwhelming or insurmountable become reasonable and doable.
If you’re ready to shift the way you show up for yourself and others, to build more resilience, and find more freedom, ease, and joy in your daily life, I’d love to help! The first step in working with me (or any other coach) is to make sure it’s a good fit. I offer a no-cost one-hour Discovery Session where you can learn more about my style, and I get a chance to understand more of what you’re looking for! Plus, you’ll leave the session with a few actionable steps to get started!
Want to know more? Learn about my Individual Coaching Program, or if you’re ready to get started – schedule your Discovery Session!
Where should you start?
So this post has been about MY journey. And the tools I’VE found most useful. Here’s a little secret – I don’t recommend all of this for all of my clients. And sometimes they need techniques that aren’t on this list. You’re unique, and the tools and resources you need are as unique as you are.
Identify one technique or tool that really spoke to you. Experiment with it for a little while. If it works, great – once it becomes habit, consider adding something else in. If it doesn’t, release it and move onto something else.
And if figuring this all out on your own, or holding yourself accountable feels overwhelming, enlist the help of a coach, teacher, practitioner to help you create a roadmap and reach your goals. Another option is a good friend who’s also on their own personal development journey and can provide a source of accountability, inspiration, and insight into new tools and techniques.
Regardless of where you start, remember, that small steps can lead to big changes!
