The Opportunity & Invitation in Your Weaknesses
Before we dive into the topic of identifying the opportunity and invitation in what you currently perceive as weakness, I want to take a little detour into identifying the right information for you. In an era of information overload it’s so easy to feel like you’re getting so much information and advice you have no idea where to start and what to trust.
If something doesn’t feel right to you, it probably isn’t right for you
Although many of us have learned to doubt our intuition – which is our inner guidance system – we often have a clear knowing when something isn’t right for us.
It might be that you simply can’t make sense of an idea. Perhaps you get a yucky feeling somewhere in your body when you think about implementing a tool in your life. Or maybe you’ve had something on your to-do list for months and months and months, and you keep delaying and putting it off, pushing it down to the bottom of the list.
You might be experiencing some of this if you’re struggling with stepping out of your comfort zone in a way that will help you learn and grow. BUT if you notice any of these reactions to a personal growth idea, tool, technique or mindset shift, it’s a great time to check in with your intuition.
I dove into the science behind your intuition in Episode 7 – give it a (re)listen if you need a refresher on why it’s such a powerful ally in building your best life. And you can discover how to tap into your intuition in my Intuition 101 course – podcast listeners get 25% off the course with code PODCAST.
And if you haven’t listened to last weeks episode, this would be a great time to revisit the idea of taking what resonates and leaving the rest. Listen to that episode and get the companion worksheet here.
Spiritual bypass & toxic positivity
Now that we’ve talked about why we’re answering this question, let’s get into the topic at hand. I firmly believe you should not avoid thinking about your weaknesses. Recognizing where you have room to grow is a powerful tool in helping you build your best life.
But let’s take it step by step.
You might be familiar with terms like spiritual bypass & toxic positivity.
John Welwood the Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist who coined the term spiritual bypass defines it as “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks.”
Toxic positivity is a subset of spiritual bypass where you deny yourself the opportunity to think or examine anything that isn’t positive – it’s taking the idea of “glass half full” to the extreme.
You can’t change what you don’t see
I remember hearing Nick Ortner tell a story recalling a conversation he had with Louise Hay about Tapping or EFT – emotional freedom technique.
If you’re not familiar with EFT, to start most sessions, you name the things that are bothering you. When asked her take on this, Louise Hay made an analogy to cleaning a room. She said “If you want to clean a house, you have to see the dirt”.
I love this analogy – I’ll be honest, it isn’t until I lose a sock under the bed that I realize how many dust bunnies have accumulated under there and then do a thorough clean. I swipe the vacuum hose under the bed on a regular basis, but without actually getting on the floor and looking around, I miss a lot of what’s there.
The same thing can happen to us on the mental and emotional level. If we don’t know there’s something we need to heal, release, learn from, or use as information to help us grow, odds are it will continue to persist until we finally see it.
Why you need to think about your weaknesses
Which gets us to why you need to think about your weaknesses.
First, I want to acknowledge I’m using the languaging of today’s questioner, but I don’t love referring to them as weaknesses – that’s a word that usually has a negative connotation or indicates something’s lacking.
The truth is these are actually invitations and opportunities for growth and healing.
For example, maybe you struggle regularly watching just “one more episode” staying up way later than you intend and as a result not getting sufficient sleep. Instead of this being a weakness, you’ve been presented with the opportunity to look at a whole host of stories and beliefs that contribute to that “just one more” habit.
But until you dive in and actually learn the lessons you’re being invited to consider, it’s unlikely you’ll change the habit, and you’ll continue to struggle with insufficient sleep.
When you ignore these invitations and opportunities to grow and heal, you’re keeping yourself stagnant, preventing any opportunity for you to release the things that aren’t working in your life.
Ruminating and dwelling on your weaknesses vs. learning and growing
BUT – while it’s important to see and acknowledge your weaknesses, it’s just as important to make sure you’re doing it in a constructive way.
If you’re letting your critical inner voice drive the conversation, it’s unlikely to lead to growth.
When you find yourself ruminating or dwelling on a weakness and using it to tell yourself you’re not good enough, deserving enough, smart enough, qualified enough, talented enough, or any other version of not-enoughness you’ve let your critical inner voice derail your growth.
When this happens, first, use your favorite mindfulness, self-care, or grounding technique to break the cycle of rumination and dwelling. This could be a few audible exhales, grounding into your feet, the mindful moment, or anything else that works for you.
Once you’ve disrupted the cycle, take a moment and try to identify the opportunity or invitation for growth or healing. Is this a chance to let go of an older story or belief? A nudge to step out of your comfort zone and try something new or learn a new skill? Is it an invitation to grant yourself a little more grace and recognize you are perfectly imperfect?
Once you’ve identified the opportunity or invitation, create a road map to get there. Check out Episode 2 for more information on setting and reaching goals.
The gift in our struggles
If you have a habit of ruminating or dwelling on what you view as weaknesses, chances are simply disrupting the cycle once will not stop your critical inner voice from chiming back in on the topic.
Each time your critical inner voice starts up again, repeat the process of disrupting the cycle with the tools and techniques that work for you and then roll out a new script. Thank your mind for reminding you of this opportunity and then remind it of the steps you’re actively taking to learn and grow as a result of this awareness.
If you’re struggling to take steps to use this opportunity for growth, consider revisiting your road map to see if you need to tweak the steps you’ve set for yourself. You also might benefit from working with a coach who can not only offer you tools you might not have thought of, but can also provide you with outside accountability to help you actually take action.
When we stop seeing our weaknesses as some sort of failure on our part, and instead see them as gifts to help us grow, it changes the way we relate to them. It allows us to see them in a new light, and to extend a little more grace to ourselves.
Learning from the lotus
The lotus is a beautiful flower – it’s many petals are often brilliant colors and it’s a charming burst on the top of a pond. However, before the flower can shine in all it’s brilliance, it starts as a brown seed that looks sort of like an acorn without a top. And that seed needs to be buried in thick mud.
As the lotus begins to grow, it sends green shots up through turgid muddy waters. But that mud is rich in nutrients the lotus needs in order to grow into it’s full splendor. Without the mud, it would simply be a small brown seed sitting in the bottom of a pool of clean water. The lotus needs the mud to help it reach it’s full potential.
We also have to move through our own muddy waters on our journey to bloom in our full brilliance. Take a moment and see how it feels to consider these things which until now you’ve considered as weaknesses as the nutrients you need to grow. They provide a fertile ground filled with invitations and opportunities. And without them, you’d be as stuck and stagnant as the lotus seed in clear water.
Each time you find your mind drifting back to self-criticism over your perceived weaknesses, consider picturing the lotus, and ask yourself, what invitation or opportunity is being offered to me right now?
Adding tools to your toolkit
I know I’ve said this before, but shifting your mindset to see what you’ve been thinking of as weaknesses instead as opportunities and invitations is often easier said than done.
One of my favorite tools for supporting me in shifting old stories, beliefs, and patterns of thinking is to use EFT or Tapping. I mentioned it earlier in this episode, and I wanted to offer you an opportunity to experience it too!
There’s no worksheet this week, instead, use the form below to get a full tapping audio for you to follow along with. It’s tailored to help you shift your perspective to begin to see what you consider weaknesses as instead things helping you build your best life. If you’re new to tapping, don’t worry, along with the guided audio, I’ll also include a link to a video where I talk you through the process and show you each point so you’ll have everything you need to get started!
Remember – living your best life isn’t about changing your life – it’s about changing the way you show up for your life!
Show Notes
Additional Resources
Make sure you get the EFT/Tapping guided audio to help you shift your mindset and begin turning weaknesses into opportunities and invitations – just fill out the form below 👇.
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