Self-Care Techniques for When You’re Grieving
Self-Care and processing grief are two things people seem to have a lot of opinions about how to do the “right way”. Often that means the right way for them. Which often isn’t the right way for you.
If you’re suffering a loss and working your way through the grieving process, this episode offers tips to help you use self-care in a way that’s supportive of you and your unique process.
Please know that you have absolute permission to grieve in the way, and on the timeline, that’s right for you.
First, I want to acknowledge your loss and let you know that I’m holding you in love during this time of grief.
Allow yourself to grieve your own way
Be gentle, kind, compassionate, and understanding with yourself. Each of us grieves differently, and your grieving process may be different for each loss you experience. How you grieve, and how long you grieve, is determined by no one but you.
Once you’ve given yourself permission to have your own experience on your own timeline, the best self-care tools are the ones that feel right to you. But here are a few guidelines to get you started.
Self-care tools to support you while grieving
- Don’t bottle it up.
Allow yourself to feel and experience your emotions. Try to avoid judging yourself for what you’re feeling. Remember, it’s all part of your experience.
As emotions bubble up, try to name them. “Ok, that’s sadness. Now I’m experiencing anger. Here comes fear.” Try to remember that you are not the emotions, rather, you’re experiencing the emotions.
- As the emotions bubble up and you name them, ask them what they need right now.
If it helps, personify the emotion. Imagine what it would look like if it was a character on Sesame Street. Then find a way to give that emotion what it needs.
For instance, sadness may want you to pull the covers over your head and cry. Anger may want you to go to a kickboxing class or a hike in the woods where you can yell at the top of your lungs. Maybe fear wants you to drink a warm cup of tea while wrapped in a blanket watching Mary Berry talk about food. Listen to those emotions – what are they asking for, and how can you give it to them?
- Try to make sure your basic needs are taken care of.
That might mean ordering enough Chinese takeout to last a week. Or subscribing to a meal delivery service. Or asking local friends and family to help ensure you have nourishing food in your fridge.
Try to get some physical activity when you feel up to it.
Attending to your basic physical needs helps give you the strength and stamina to move through your grieving process.
- Finally, let people know what you need.
If you want company, ask people to be with you. If you want to be alone, let people know that you’re not going to be answering the phone or the door.
Feel free to log off of social media. To ignore text messages. To cancel events you had on the calendar. We each have a limited amount of physical, mental, and emotional reserves. Much of yours are being consumed with grieving.
Don’t feel guilty for not wanting to spend what little energy you have left on something that doesn’t feel nourishing and supportive of you and/or your grieving process.
Honor what YOU need
Again, the most important thing here is to listen to what you need. To honor that it may change from moment to moment and day to day. And to allow yourself to grieve in the way that’s right for you.
Having said that, if anything in this answer didn’t resonate with you, then please feel free to ignore it! I’m not you, I’m not in your body, and I’m not having your experience.
If you haven’t focused on self-care in the past, and are turning to it now as a way to help you through the grieving process, you might find my free Self-Care Toolkit helpful in discovering what self-care techniques are right for you.
Before I end, I want to remind you again, that this is your journey to go through on your timeline and in your own way.
